well.....I'm sitting here at my computer at 10:00 at night and I'm sick! I'm not going to seminary tomorrow....or school!!! ::sigh:: The dance this weekend was.....just a dance. Ive found some things out. First i found out that I'm done....done with waiting, crying, trying, wondering, and I'm done with him!!! its over. i don't care that he doesn't like me, or doesn't want to talk to me, or doesn't want to be my friend. Ive also found out that sometimes, you need to go through a trial to realize why it hurts you, and why you feel the way you do. Some people are just jerks. yeah he is an amazing person and i would still like to be his friend, but you know what!? i don't need him!! I'm finished with him. For the past year i have thought that eventually i would find someone who cares for me and likes me for me, and i thought i found that person. I told myself that i would become what ever person, girl, he wanted. I could be anything he wanted me to be!! But, changing who you are for someone who doesn't like you, or care about you....doesn't work, its not healthy. But, Ive realized that i want to be who i want to be, not who he wants me to be, I'm not going to change for him. I'm going to find myself, and then find someone who likes that person. If they don't like it they aren't worth it. And I'm mostly saying this so that a certain someone will understand that i am done! i want him to know that he can shove it up his butt!! There are some boys that want me to write about the dance last night, and how awful it was and how much i cried and how awkward it was dancing with him. Oh and they wanted him to not say a word to me the whole time so i would write it here!! but.....SURPRISE I'm not going to dwell on the horrible months in the past. Tomorrow is a new day. and Alex........you can think what ever you want! i am over you! i don't need you i don't need your friends i don't need the disrespect, i do not need to....i don't deserve you!! i deserve much better!! YES he is an amazing person and i do want him to be happy cause how sad would that be if he never found anyone! so i wish him well.....i hope he finds someone that he can like, and that he will treat her well. When he reads this post if it be tonight, tomorrow night or sometime in the future i hope he understands the pain he caused me and the torture i put myself through, trying to be the best i can be for him!! i hope he feels guilty and will some day...when he matures and becomes a man and not a little boy anymore, he will apologize, because i hope he goes through broken hearts so he can truly understand the way i feel. I am not wishing anything bad on him, cause that's mean, but everyone needs to go through those things. I'll probably go through plenty more, but when i find that someone he will be the best and will love me back. i hope that is what you will eventually find too Alex. i wish you luck! Oh and to Jacob, Ben, and who ever else reads this to look for all the bad things ill say, grow up!! respect girls they don't deserve the crap you give them, if you want to be with someone cause obviously it hasn't worked so far, just respect them, don't be mean, its not attractive.
Girls....look for some one who truly cares, not someone who lies and cheats. You are beautiful and you deserve the best. Find that someone who makes you feel special and loved.......EVERYDAY. Don't change who you are for a stupid ignorant little boy! Be yourself and find some one who likes that!! Do what you want not what they want. At the first sign of disrespect.....leave them in the dust!!
Love hurts....but not if you find true love. that is the purest happiest, holiest love there is! If you need some one to talk to......close your eyes bow your head and talk to the one person who will ALWAYS love you.....no matter what!!
(or you could call me hehe)
and your parents are always there too!!
i hope everyone finds exactly what they're looking for and finds true love and happiness!!!
until next time I AM DANIE MARIE and that's who i will always be, so get over it!!
p.s. next post will be much happier i promise!!